Coming to terms with being a single parent!

single parent, divorce, marriage break up, family, children

Marriage is this exciting, wonderful, loving, caring partnership! Unfortunately for some it stops. Of course, some marriages last and are truly wonderful or just last in existence, and then some like mine cease to exist, leaving behind a large mess and heartbreak. Marriage takes a lot of work, an awful lot of work that can be really rewarding. Ending the marriage takes even more work, especially when there are children involved. Im not sure what I expected or how I thought my life would change, and along the way I sure did get some surprises, some good and some, well, not expected.

At the beginning it was really nice and comfortable to have the bed to yourself. However it wasn’t long before I got lonely and it was not so much fun.

It dawned on me my ex was not going to be there, ever, they were gone for good and not coming back.

I didn’t rush things and I can say hand on heart it was the best decision I made. Everything hurt at the start and we were angry with each other, this insured time calmed the situation and we were able to think clearly and behave like adults and make rational decisions important to us and our children. Of course at this stage I felt a failure and had to continually remind myself this was not the case. The marriage had just reach its expiration date. I knew we were making the right decision for our family and it did not concern both our extended families. In truth I was doing a dance inside as I would never have to interact with them. My own extended family for the most part were understanding and time does heal and give the opportunity for everyone to reflect. I was purely concentrating on my children and pouring all my energy into them. The only difference now was I was doing it alone, no-one to bounce ideas off outrun for a second opinion. This took me time to adjust to and at the beginning I consistently questioned my decisions. I lost a certain amount of freedom as I had to be super organised. There was no-one to ask to stay at home with the children while I bounced out to meet a friend for a coffee or watched a game with some friends. 

I loved my wedding ring, I had it made and it was a little different. Taking it off made me fell naked and concreted the fact I was a single parent. Eventually I carved a plan on how to wear it. I spoke to my children and asked if they would mind if I had Mum’s name removed from it and inserted theirs. They loved the idea and now I wear it on my right hand. What really happened with this gesture is my children and I felt closer and it was my way of committing to them my love. 

I never regretted getting married, we have two amazing children and it was a time in my life that sometimes I reflect on with joy. Unfortunately it did not last and my family and my ex are so much more happier. 

Life goes on and within no time at all my marital break up was yesterday’s news and we became a statistic. Age has helped me, a very unusual statement so let me explain. As I reached every decade I embraced it. I knew each one was going to be difficult. As a teenager I was a car crash and my own parents must have thought what have we created. My twenties was all about my career and my thirties was marriage and responsibility, my forties was my marriage break up and I lost my career and was broke. I just recently turned 50 and I can honestly say on reflection my life to date has been wonderful. Now I am armed with hindsight and full of experience and blessed to have two fantastic children. I am eager to live the next chapter of my life.

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