Covad-19 is still here and lockdowns have been in place for some time now. Online dating sites are exploding with users looking for love, or are they? I’ve survived on planet Earth for 50 years and had my fare share of dates as I progressed through the decades. In recent days my boredom got me thinking about the various different types of males that exist and how they portray themselves to women. Men talk to men about their strategies in finding the ideal woman, whether it is for one night, one week, month, year or lifetime. Essentially we are a predictable creatures with various personalties. Because men don’t use these strategies with other men we can get along with each other in harmony. I understand how this fact may worry women, but we, men just ignore it and move on.
When you sign up to an online website the possibilities seem endless, it is an exciting and interesting experience. So much choice appears in front of you as you swipe left or right, believing love is just around the next corner. But them suddenly there is not as many matches as you first thought, and you begin to dig a little deeper into the profile of the matches you have made and suddenly you see a pattern and not every possibility is worth pursuing. Now you begin to concentrate on how they have written their bios, question the profile pictures they have chosen and how they engage in conversation. At this stage you know not all of them are worth chatting to, let alone considering to meet for a coffee, but then it depends exactly what you are looking for at the time you enter the unknown world of online dating. For those of you who are about to embark into the unknown these are some of the characters you will meet, for those of you whom already have been online no doubt you have met these guys.
The online newbie: That was me. I had absolutely no game plan, I didn’t know what I wanted and talked to everybody that I matched with. I thought at the very least if they had bothered to swap right, I at least should have the manners to say hello and introduce myself. Some questions posed to me I tried to dodge as I thought it was a bit forward or why would someone ask me that considering I haven’t met them. In hindsight I would avoid me, I did not have a clue what I wanted or why I was even online. My suggestion is delete me you are only wasting your time and energy.
The Romantic: I have a friend who epitomises this. This dude has love tattooed on the brain, he really believes in love and Valentine day tops Christmas. He quotes songs and maybe even poetry to the point it may make you want to vomit. Everybody is superficial in todays world, he tells you. His profile picture is of him in the sunset or with a dog rubbing noses and if he is on a yoga mat, run for the hills. Oh he does do yoga. You will alway get a good morning and a goodnight. If you meet, he more than likely will come on too strong, you will tell him to slow down but he argues how perfect you are for one another. He is not in a rush to get you undressed and into bed, he is playing the long game, you will have an eternity to make love. Soulmates who’s astrological signs are completely in line. Your phone will beep all day as he texts you question after question, this guy is in a rush to know everything about you. You may be interested in this and even enjoy it but it will end in tears, usual his!
The middle-aged hero: the adventurer on steroids: This overactive male runs, walks, cycles, etc. He has passed 40 and in a mid-life crisis, the bucket list is full and he is in a rush to achieve goals. Balding or simply just turning grey, this man is charming. Profile picture is with his niece or nephew or somebody else’s kids and more than likely there is a dog thrown in for good measures. You needs to know he likes kids and maybe even yours, despite his complete lack of commitment to settling down with you. This guy wants you to think he is mature and values you and is interested in a good conversation. Yes, you will do for the current adventure he is on, this is a man-child and he is jumping off that cliff to avoid responsibility. If this is something that interests you treat it like the car you want but makes no sense, take it for a test drive and bring it back!
The player: This guy is online with the sole purpose of getting you into bed and once that is done he is dust! It is casual and it is just sex. He will complement you and say all the right things till you are naked and conquered then it is goodbye and you are deleted. The photos of him shirtless or his muscles bulging out of a tee-shirt are gone and you just have the memories. This guy will make little effort, but you are keen and will do the traveling, you have maybe three dates to get your clothes off before he has moved on to his next victim. Be careful, this guy will push your boundaries until you yield or run. I hope you run for the hills. But perhaps you want a fling with no strings attached.
The married or in a relationship guy: This cheater will hunt his prey either from distance or without a picture, or maybe a picture disguising he’s true identity. Discretion is a necessity on his bio, this dude is a serial cheater and everything is planned, organised, he is premeditated. No morals exist, he wants casual, it is that simple.
Just divorced/separated: This poor guy is vulnerable, it’s a tough place for him, but he is horny. He just wants someone to like him and go out with him and feel like he is in a relationship again, oh and have sex. This guy dated last when online dating didn’t exist. If you are up for a rebound this is more than likely your guy, even though this is not his intentions. He is still processing what happened in his last relationship and blaming her for all the years wasted.
Sugar daddy: Rich and interested in the younger lady. Be aware after some time you will be traded in.
The tourist: Only here for a new nights and does not want to spend any time alone. It is a hookup so do not fool yourself. It does what it says on the tin!
The lunatic: This guy is screwed up and should be nowhere near a dating site or a woman. He needs time out. This guy will come across committed, responsible, well dressed and very presentable. Give him time and all this issues will surface, be it trust or commitment ones. This man has baggage and his probably still in love with his ex. He will claim to be the perfect guy and probably need to be in control of everything, the alpha male or at least the wanna be alpha. He is well versed and possibly read the books on how to get a woman. All is profile pictures seem normal and I have no doubt his bio has been researched and probably copied from earlier research. This narcissist sociopath will drive you insane. I hope you never meet him because he is hard to spot at the beginning.
The commitment dude: This guy has a bit of everything in him from the above mentioned. He will make the effort to engage when communicating with you, he knows from experience this is a process and he is not afraid to put in the work. This guy is genuine and if after he meets you and does not remain in contact it is because he feels it was not a good match and not because he was trying to use you for sex. He understands it is impossible to have a relationship with every woman, if he meets the right woman he will put the effort in. He wants to fall in love and have a meaningful relationship, emotionally and physically. He is not scared to put himself out and won’t loose faith.