Some Ingredients For A Successful Recipe For A Modern Relationship.

With the Internet’s many open platforms solely designed for communication, there is hardly anything anyone can do or say that is not stored in a data bank hidden within the bat cave and more than likely forever. Information shared, no matter how innocent that person may believe it is, can be very simply taken out of context in another situation, even innocently. I believe couples who respect each other’s vulnerable secrets keep those between them. The very principle and honouring of individual boundaries between two people will result in an everlasting trust that can be relied upon for life. It is potentially, and in most cases humiliating and from experience incredibly damaging if one partner finds out that the other has told someone something that is private and ends up being leaked out to a wider audience for which that information was not intended. That is a massive problem when the person betrayed finds out about it at some later stage.
I find it difficult to share my emotions or thoughts with people. I suppose I am fearful that what I say will be heard incorrectly or used against me, thus I tend to keep those feelings tightly locked up inside. This is possible one of my biggest faults. Couples who acknowledge and embrace the fact that they can only fix and heal what they can see, will be better placed to face whatever distress, hurt and pain they might have at any time. Ignoring or avoiding issues is more likely to result in bigger problems down the road.
In any intimate relationship that I have experienced, the one thing I have noticed, now that I reflect is that as a couple we rarely have exactly the same needs at any given time, or feel exactly the same intensity when they occurred. Whether it was about sexual frequency, social preferences, external family obligations, distribution of assets, personal availability, or external unshared interests. With this in mind the real secret is to understand you don’t always get what you want but you must commit to being fair, compromise and negotiate the differences and do not invalidate your partners desires. 

Every couple must share a parallel commitment to the same basic values that are unique to their relationship. Knowing that you will change, especially with age you must keep those beliefs up to date, and share openly. Without discussing first you can be sure down the line that there will be negative surprises and the feeling of exclusion for your loved one. Let’s face it we often disagree about how to go about expressing those agreements. Thus communicating any change is the glue to maintaining a successful relationship. 

We all argue and feel hurt and anger when we can’t seem to satisfy our partner without giving something up that we want to hold on to. But, even in the midst of the most difficult moments, any resentments need to be replaced with compassion and support. That underlying support must be guaranteed, and it will grow stronger each time it is called upon.
All of us are self-centred and self-promoting at times and all behaviours are driven by a combination of altruism and selfishness at any one time. But I believe if you trust your partners basic self, know that the underlying commitment to care for the other is always underneath and available. The key is to be comfortable knowing that you know that you can ask for the sacrificing of those behaviours if you are in trouble. It is very easy to fall apart when stresses get on top of you and resources diminish. Sympathy and compassion is needed most during this time and one must be able to lean on each other’s strengths. I feel there must be an expectation that both people stay as strong as they can, but if either folds, the other is there to carry the load.

So many relationships end because one person thinks that the other isn’t trying as hard as they could to make things better. It is important to remember that tomorrow is a fantasy and that security is an illusion. When you part each time there is always the possibility that it may be the last but when you return there is a sense of gratitude.

The women online you will meet.

Gone are the days when we used to meet potential love interests through social circles. They still do exist but there are not many fish in these shallow waters. Hence the popularity of online dating has gone through the roof. Possibly one of the main contributors to this development is time or the lack of it. It is so much easier to sit at home and browse through thousands of profiles, swiping left or right. The menu is overflowing with choice but surely this makes us judgemental and if honest we dismiss a person for a shallow reason that we possible would not if we were to meet in a more conventual setting. Let’s face we tend to aim high and swipe right with people we think would be out of our league, a new winning strategy we take hiding behind our sofa. So what are the different types of ladies out they’re waiting for us?

The man girl: All of us love her, but she is better suited as a friend in the long term, and us guys don’t like to loose friends. She is one of the lads, she relates to us and does not have many female friends because this chick just gets on better with men.

The talk, talk, talk, talk, and talk woman: This woman is easy to spot, she never shuts up or stops texting essays and no matter how hard you try to reply, beep, another text arrives with unnecessary information. It won’t be long before you are bored, frustrated and driven to distraction, you will know every little detail about her and you will be lucky if she remembers your name. Thankfully there is a mute button followed by delete. If for some reason you have a death wish and meet for a date, make sure there is a back door to exit from.

The single Mum: Naturally online dating sites are littered with single parents, and there is nothing wrong with that. Beware you need to know what you are diving into, forewarned is forearmed! Your life will end up like hers, centred around her little darlings and you possibly won’t like them but only because she has done nothing but focus on them and they demand her attention as required 24/7. However single mums are genuine, but you need to think long and hard are you ready for this level of commitment?

The genuine lady: Believe it or not, this very rare type of woman exists and if you are lucky enough to come across her you have won the lotto. They have no hidden agenda, what you see is what you get! They are fully independent and happy with their life. Do not pass by, she is wonderful!

The Hookup lady: Yes ladies, just like men there are women who just want a one night stand, it is just sex without any obligation. The difference is women are more open about it than men. 

The know it all woman: This woman believes she is better than everyone, however if you dig a little deeper into her she is the complete opposite. This wannabe will pretend she is living the dream lifestyle, the one she thinks she deserves. She will probable have a few designer accessories or good knock offs. If she thinks you have the money that can afford her desired lifestyle she will pursue you. In essence she will be so opinionated and often get the wrong end of the stick you will head for pastures greener.

Hot but not: Online dating is full of women (and men) whose profile pictures portrays a very beautiful woman. The photos may be very old or airbrushed but when you meet this lady she is unrecognisable to what you thought you were going to meet. I cannot understand why women do this as when reality catches up and the man disappears she must be left feeling rejected. 

The never single lady: The lady who lives in fear of being on her own and will take any man up until the next better one turns up. This woman is always online looking for the man that does not exist. They are intense at the start and the cracks on the wall will appear and either you run or she has found someone she believes is better for her, the trend never ends.

The gold digger: Let’s face it she wants your money, it is that simple. But where us men fall for it is they are typically attractive and very engaging. They are easy to spot with the questions about your job, bank balance and any other materialistic thing they are interested in.

The health nut: As men we always think we should be taking better care of ourselves but rarely act upon it. This lady has run the 10 km race and is looking forward to the marathon. She has left the bedroom before you have had your first dream. This lady will have many suitors but not everybody’s cup of tea. Make sure you have health insurance.

Dr. Dolittle: This animal lover does not hide the fact that her animals are her life and come first. Her profile photos look like something off Noah’s ark. This is extreme but it may be something of interest to some.

The happy ending: This dreamer has her fairytale mapped out in her head since she was born. She knows what she wants, the perfect wedding, home and children. This is make believe so she will normally settle for the very next best or the man who is close to giving her what she wants. This lady probably is not in love with you but as long as you satisfy her dreams you are functional for her.

The nut job: This psycho hates men and will come across aggressive, if you stay around long enough she will be abusive and possible violent. She is certainly unpredictable, very Jekyll and Hyde. She will want to know where you are at all times and why. When this goes pear shaped and it will warn your family and friends cause she will contact them.

The homemaker: This lady wants you to take care of her, she does not want to work and is happiest in the home. If independence is what you seek this lady is not for you. But let’s face it I know plenty of men that want a quiet life and this lady is perfect for them.